ReactionI am aware.Things around me-- within me,The air, my pulse,The flicker of a pupil.Focus…Light, dark,The spectrum of colours--But I cannot feel.Sounds,The static of the un-tuned radioThen a burst of music,The babble of a crowd-- or is it in my head?The morning espresso shot--Its bad for me,But its there,Still lingering bitter on my tongue,Curling up my taste buds.I feel heavy.I exist.But I no longer feel alive.
Costume PartyPending celebrations and merriment.I consider myself set apart,Although the flow has pulled me along for your ride.I paint a smile and down some liquor--Donning a costume and pretendingThat my heart isn’t breaking,That emotions are not tornAnd that I am more than just a convenience to you.
MigraineMy mind suffers from static;White noise.Chaos.Inability to focus.Numbers, words, images, patterns-All meaningless as they blur,As they merge on the pages.Coherent trail of thought--Derailed.The whispers all far too LOUDAnd every light acutely too bright.
StrainedChaos becomes a constant companion.But order remains the champion in this game of hide and seek ,That I never realised was being expertly played.The mental toll rising and rising-Becoming far greater than the physical being can take.Gut instincts uneasy;Aching deep within bones,And weary heart.Strain.Perhaps the mind,Or quite possibly the soul-Something will break soon…
LostThe ambivalent nature of emotions;It all overwhelms me,Crushing me,Along with those words trapped between my ears--Contradictions and sarcasm.I’m not as brave as you think,Especially when it comes to my own feelings,--I’m afraid of those,And the voices in my head.Who am I now?An extension of YOUBut you lost me and I can’t find myself,Someone burned the map, changed the sign-postsAnd finally smashed the compass.I’m not as brave as you think I’m a cowardAnd so I stay lost.