ReactionI am aware.
Things around me-- within me,
The air, my pulse,
The flicker of a pupil.
The spectrum of colours--
But I cannot feel.
The static of the un-tuned radio
Then a burst of music,
The babble of a crowd-- or is it in my head?
The morning espresso shot--
Its bad for me,
But its there,
Still lingering bitter on my tongue,
Curling up my taste buds.
I feel heavy.
But I no longer feel alive.
Costume PartyPending celebrations and merriment.
I consider myself set apart,
Although the flow has pulled me along for your ride.
I paint a smile and down some liquor--
Donning a costume and pretending
That my heart isn’t breaking,
That emotions are not torn
And that I am more than just a convenience to you.
MigraineMy mind suffers from static;
Inability to focus.
Numbers, words, images, patterns-
All meaningless as they blur,
As they merge on the pages.
Coherent trail of thought--
The whispers all far too LOUD
And every light acutely too bright.
StrainedChaos becomes a constant companion.
But order remains the champion in this game of hide and seek ,
That I never realised was being expertly played.
The mental toll rising and rising-
Becoming far greater than the physical being can take.
Gut instincts uneasy;
Aching deep within bones,
And weary heart.
Perhaps the mind,
Or quite possibly the soul-
Something will break soon…
LostThe ambivalent nature of emotions;
It all overwhelms me,
Along with those words trapped between my ears--
Contradictions and sarcasm.
I’m not as brave as you think,
Especially when it comes to my own feelings,
--I’m afraid of those,
And the voices in my head.
Who am I now?
An extension of YOU
But you lost me and I can’t find myself,
Someone burned the map, changed the sign-posts
And finally smashed the compass.
I’m not as brave as you think
I’m a coward
And so I stay lost.