DifficultI know I am difficult to love;
I only asked that you give it a shot
I’m sorry you can’t persevere with me any longer --
But I’m glad you tried.
Take a part of me with you,
And know that in my own way
I truly did-- I truly do love you .
But I’m difficult,
And can’t always find those words
Until its all far too late.
One more person...To you I am just another person.
With my quirks and habits;
Wry smile and nefarious laugh ,
The shoulder to lean on,
The helping hand--
And poetic talk of optimism,
When times feel most pessimistic.
I am the sum of my flesh;
Of my organs,
Of two-hundred-and-seventy bones,
Of many muscles (say six-hundred-and-fifty-six?)
And about eight or ten pints of blood.
One of quick wit and sharp tongue,
Sharper eye and erratic thought--
Unfaultable loyalty and hidden kindnesses.
Sweet of tooth , old of soul;
A library-minded changeling
Belonging nowhere now,
To you I am just another person,
But once you were my entire world.
HopesYou hung stars,
Upon the bare branches of your hope-
Longing for someone to come by;
Drawn in--guided by your light,
Gather up those shared wishes,
That you no longer
Need to keep
Just to yourself.
ReactionI am aware.
Things around me-- within me,
The air, my pulse,
The flicker of a pupil.
The spectrum of colours--
But I cannot feel.
The static of the un-tuned radio
Then a burst of music,
The babble of a crowd-- or is it in my head?
The morning espresso shot--
Its bad for me,
But its there,
Still lingering bitter on my tongue,
Curling up my taste buds.
I feel heavy.
But I no longer feel alive.
Costume PartyPending celebrations and merriment.
I consider myself set apart,
Although the flow has pulled me along for your ride.
I paint a smile and down some liquor--
Donning a costume and pretending
That my heart isn’t breaking,
That emotions are not torn
And that I am more than just a convenience to you.
MigraineMy mind suffers from static;
Inability to focus.
Numbers, words, images, patterns-
All meaningless as they blur,
As they merge on the pages.
Coherent trail of thought--
The whispers all far too LOUD
And every light acutely too bright.
StrainedChaos becomes a constant companion.
But order remains the champion in this game of hide and seek ,
That I never realised was being expertly played.
The mental toll rising and rising-
Becoming far greater than the physical being can take.
Gut instincts uneasy;
Aching deep within bones,
And weary heart.
Perhaps the mind,
Or quite possibly the soul-
Something will break soon…